This week sucked. How is that for honesty? Blah. That is how I feel. How I have felt.
I did everything right this week – I stuck to the Weight Watchers program even through TWO Thanksgiving dinners and I continued my running and walking. I was a super star. No weight gain, but no weight loss. That is good. No?
I should be stoked that I didn’t gain, and I guess deep down I am, but I’m an overachiever and expect better results. In fact, I’d say that I expect significant greatness with every action. Unreasonable? Yes. My reality and my perceived expectations rarely align and usually disappoints. This week was no different. In fact, I had a really crappy week. I’ve been super low energy, not feeling great and super tired. Zombie-level tired. And just like that she was back, crushing down on me, taking hold and squeezing tight. Depression. She’s back.
She’s like a nagging neighbour that shows up uninvited. She knows how to make me feel bad about myself, even when I’m doing great things and she is the best at sabotaging my every thought. She sucks the life out of me and I hate her for that.
I work hard at trying to break-free from her grip, but this week I was not successful. I gave in without a fight because I had no fight in me. It’s been a long week but I feel her grip loosening and I will fight until I feel free once again. As I always do.
While it was a crappy week, the one thing that remains constant is my deep desire to stay motivated with healthy eating and exercise choices and to appreciate the beauty that surrounds my life. It’s not easy, but I am stubborn, tenacious and willing to fight for the things that matter to me. And I have a beautiful life that is always surrounding me – even when I struggle to experience it.
So while the scale seems to be as stubborn as I am, I took measurements today (wish I had done this back in August) because I am starting to see changes in my appearance. This is a really good thing. Physically I am able to do more – go further, go longer and do everyday things without hip/knee pain. These are beautiful things. Simple, yet beautiful.
I think this week has taught me that while I have depression and anxiety, I need to push through and keep doing good things for me. The change I am working so hard at making is good for me – physically and mentally. And my drive to keep it up is proof that (while my depression/anxiety may win some battles,) I will win the war!